Unreachable People

I’ve recently come across a blogger who made some twenty posts about how her life was falling apart because her friend betrayed her, how nobody cared about her, and how she just wanted to die.  Considering this was on  tumblr, which is pretty much a mecca of depression and anxiety-ridden people (and, coincidentally or not, radical liberals) going through young adult angst, her story was not all that surprising.

I was obliged to respond to her with love and understanding.  I told her that it’s not worth placing the weight of your very existence on another human being, because, well, none of us are perfect, so you’re always going to be disappointed in some way, depending on how saturated your rose-coloured glasses are when you look at a person.  Despite all that, I told her that she was loved and wanted and that I was willing to comfort her.  With each post she made, she sounded increasingly distressed, which made me extremely concerned about her mental and emotional health.  I replied to most of her posts to get through to her somehow, in hopes that she would snap out of it and start to think more objectively about the situation.

And, despite all my best efforts to be positive and supporting, she sent me a single sharp response:

“no.  f*** off.  stop pretending like you care about me and leave me alone.”

Well, sweetheart, I’m going to stop caring about you when you stop making it seem like you want someone to care about you, was what I so desperately wanted to say, tempted by my old sassy nature, but alas, God firmly obliged me to immediately swallow my snarkiness.

This situation is what brings me to the general message of my post.  Sometimes people are unreachable, even after you’ve tried your hardest to crack open their shell.  Sometimes you really do have to let people hit rock bottom before they come to their senses; sometimes even at rock bottom they continue on their path to self-destruction.  You see it a lot in drug addicts, and mental health patients as well.  It’s hard for people on the outside looking in to accept, but if your loved one continues on in the dark corners of life, even though you might have spent months, even years, trying to get them to change course, then it’s not your fault.  After such a long time, you’ve probably already done all the right things, and the rest is up to the other person’s own willpower.

There are happy endings, of course.  My brother was in a very dark place the first two years since he was diagnosed with schizophrenia.  He would spend hours sleeping during the day, holing himself up in his room.  My parents and I tried all the motivational quotes in the books to get him going again, but nothing worked.  One day, however, he found the power within himself to turn his life around, all on his own.  He started doing chores around the house, helping our dad with banking and taxes, he began organizing our family’s files, and he even got back into his old passion again: animation.

Some people bounce back easily with a little encouragement.  Others learn the hard way, through pain and suffering.  But ultimately what causes people to come around is their choice; their willpower.  The job of their loved ones is merely to be there for them and give them advice to help them make the right choice.

As for my blogging friend who’s currently down in the dumps, I’ll be keeping an eye out for her.  Right now all I can really do is pray that she sees the light, and continue to offer her support, even when she lashes back at me.

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7 thoughts on “Unreachable People

  1. Oh, ouch Ada! Isn’t that the worst thing ever, having your love rejected by somebody who is walled off? It’s happened to me many times.

    I try to imagine how God feels because He’s experienced it for thousands of years times many people. Except God is offering so much more than a few kind words and some support. He offers people mercy, redemption, eternal life, and STILL people say that exact same thing to God Himself, “no. f*** off. stop pretending like you care about me and leave me alone.”

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    • Yes, it certainly does hurt. In hindsight, I can see that it actually hurts the individual walled off to continue resisting offers of love and support than it hurts the ones offering it to be rejected.

      Haha, that made me chuckle. It’s good (yet also extremely sad) to remember that no matter what we endure in this life, God has endured much worse, a billion times over, and yet He still continues to love each and every one of us.

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    • True, but I feel compassionate for many of them. They are so deeply brainwashed that it brings to mind the “lost sheep” parable. As a fellow young adult who will have to share the next generation with them, I make it a goal to spread some seeds of truth to them. Many of those seeds may end up on dry soil, but it would be good if a couple of them bore fruit.

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      • I do, and feel, the same. I actually have 30 tumblr followers. So yes, the seeds can bear fruit but in general tumblr is fallow ground for Christians, plus the porn pops up when you least expect it and that usually ruins my day.

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    • That’s true. I try to spend as little time as I can on there due to that and also because the hate-mongering can get pretty intense. Spending time in prayer interceding for them is probably more effective. I’m sorry about the porn you get on your dashboard, it is pretty disgusting. If you install Tumblr Savior and type in the key words/tags you don’t want to see, it almost always manages to filter that stuff out.

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